Ralph Breaks the Internet/Transcript

Transcripts for Ralph Breaks the Internet.


 * [While evading the First Order Stormtroopers, Vanellope accidentally glitches into the dressing room of the Disney Princesses.]
 * Vanellope: Uh, hi.
 * [The Princesses begin to defend themselves: Merida pulls an arrow on her bow, Elsa holds out her hands, Anna puts up her dukes, Belle lifts up her book, Mulan gets out her sword, Rapunzel wields out her frying pan, Ariel points her dinglehopper at the intruder, Moana holds out her oar, Pocahontas gets out her club, Jasmine holds up her magic lamp and Cinderella takes off her glass slipper, breaks it and holds it like a shiv.]
 * Vanellope: Whoa, whoa, ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too!
 * Anna: Wait. What?
 * Vanellope: Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the, uh... Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]
 * Pocahontas: Well, what kind of a Princess are you?
 * Vanellope: What kind?
 * Rapunzel: Do you have magic hair?
 * Vanellope: No.
 * Elsa: Magic hands?
 * Vanellope: No.
 * Cinderella: Do animals talk to you?
 * Vanellope: No.
 * Snow White: Were you poisoned?
 * Vanellope: No.
 * Tiana and Aurora: Cursed?
 * Vanellope: No.
 * Rapunzel and Belle: (excitedly) Kidnapped or enslaved?
 * Vanellope: No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?
 * Ariel: Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?
 * Vanellope: No! Good Lord, who would do that?!
 * Snow White: Have you ever had (singsongy) True Love's Kiss?
 * Vanellope: Eww! Barf!
 * Jasmine: Do you have daddy issues?
 * Vanellope: I don't even have a mom!
 * Snow White, Cinderella, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Anna and Elsa: [happily while posing] Neither do we!
 * Rapunzel: And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?
 * Vanellope: Yes! What is up with that?
 * All Disney Princesses: She is a Princess!
 * Snow White: (sings a few notes in delight)
 * Cinderella: [looking at Vanellope's clothes along with Ariel] Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.
 * Vanellope: Oh, this old thing?
 * Cinderella: Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.
 * Aurora: As would I.
 * Moana: Me, too!
 * Elsa: So cool!
 * Rapunzel: Best gown ever!
 * Ariel: I want one too, you guys!
 * Cinderella: I'll get my mice on this.
 * [The Disney Castle appears in a Batman-style scene change; all the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.]
 * Cinderella: [sighs] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
 * [All the Princess cheer]
 * Ariel: [looks at her shirt] Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [Starts singing her signature song as a spotlight shines on her and music plays] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
 * Vanellope: [Stopping her] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
 * Jasmine: Uh, she's singing.
 * Vanellope: Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... wait, you all saw it, too, right?
 * Tiana: That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
 * Vanellope: Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
 * Rapunzel: Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
 * Vanellope: Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [Clears her throat and starts singing in an O Tannenbaum-like tune, albeit not so well] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. Doo-doo-doo, boop-wowp.
 * [Beat]
 * Belle: Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of, that's a metaphor?
 * Vanellope: Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just...I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
 * Mulan: Maybe a little. But sometimes, your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
 * Pocahontas: What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
 * Vanellope: What?
 * Snow White: Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
 * Moana: I stare at the ocean.
 * Mulan: Horse trough.
 * Cinderella: Soap bubbles.
 * Vanellope: Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
 * Ariel: Ah. Important water.
 * Vanellope: Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
 * Rapunzel: For sure.
 * Other Princesses: Mm-hm.
 * Vanellope: Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
 * [A knock is here and C-3PO from Star Wars suddenly comes in]
 * C-3PO: Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quiz starts in five minutes.
 * [He leaves as the Princesses groan with disappointment]
 * Ariel: Okay, thank you.
 * Tiana: Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
 * Aurora: It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
 * Belle: And best of luck finding your song.
 * Merida: Ach! Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye! Haste ye back, me lassie!
 * Vanellope: Uh-huh... What did she just say?
 * Tiana: We don't know.
 * Moana: We can't understand her.
 * Anna: She's from the other studio.
 * Vanellope: Ah.